Paying the Bank Back in Kind..
Only amusing?
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
> old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
> published in the New York Times.
>
> Dear Sir:
This is priceless---talk about payback!
> Dear Sir:
>
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
> to pay my plumber last month.
>
> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
> presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
> to honor it.
>
> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
> pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
> years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for
> the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
> manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
> financial ways.
>
> I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
> letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
> has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
> flesh-and-blood person.
>
> My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
> be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
> personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
> nominate.
>
> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person
> to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contract
> which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to
> eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your
> bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all
> copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary
> Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
> (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
> documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your
> employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>
>
>
> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
> modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
> account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
> the sincerest form of flattery.
>
> Let me level the playing field even further.
>
> When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>
> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
>
> #1. To make an appointment to see me
>
> #2. To query a missing payment.
>
> #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>
> #4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
>
> #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
>
> #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
>
> #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer
> is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>
> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold,
pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>
> #10. This is a second reminder to press (*) for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>
> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
> wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
>
> Your Humble Client
>
>
>
> (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA
> LOVE 'US SENIORS' !!!!!
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